Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
4 words: hood of his car
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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