I think my vagina is haunted
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize