Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
