Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
