That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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