Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My life is pants optional.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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