Will you blow on my dice?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
