How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
