just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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