My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
