so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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