If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
