ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
