homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
