eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
