Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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