Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
