is your mom at the bar?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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