dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
