Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We're too hungover to prance.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
