I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
