Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
