you guys were way drunker than both of me
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
