is your mom at the bar?
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We need to get me chipped asap
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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