One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
