Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
