Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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