Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
