i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
