I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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