I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
