you're like a bully in the Christmas story
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
