I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
