I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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