She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
