If that was your dad, he is hot
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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