All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
