I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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