The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
