you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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