Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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