Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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