Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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