i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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