so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
