sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i out mim tonsoeep
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
