she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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