Tell her she can't have a vagina
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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