Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
