i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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