Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
