My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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