guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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