Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
she looked like the before picture.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
