u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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