Dual....:-)
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
