Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
