he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
His hands were made for my vagina.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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