I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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