She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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