You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
