So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
