She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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