The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
