I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
