I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
God I need to hump something, right now.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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