Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
