when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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