my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize